Let’s be honest, most of us started out exploring the physical side of sex with what nature gave us, not with a dildo or a fresh baked apple pie…well…hopefully not. As we become comfortable in our sexuality, we gain more confidence in our bedroom skills and remain satisfied with the physical tools we have been equipped with. The mere thought of your partner using an object that has been engineered to provide maximum stimulation or pleasure can be a severe blow to confidence and ego, leaving most people unwilling to even try it, let alone discuss it.
On the other hand, if sex toys can provide such exhilarating orgasms, why deprive each other from such an incredible experience? Let’s take a closer look at this:
Why sex toys?
The main purpose of sex toys is to enhance your sexual experience, inadvertently taking you and your partner to a new level of intimacy. Sex toys have been stereotyped as the ideal companion for singles, giving an impression that they are there to “replace”, not “enhance”. If the latter is your view on the topic, then consider the following:
- You may agree that a romantic candlelit dinner can set the mood for an evening of passion
- You may agree that having a bath or shower together and slowly soaping each other can be quite erotic
- You may agree that using a scarf to tie together your partners hands or blindfolding them can be quite a turn-on
- You may agree that using some whipped cream or ice cream on each other can lead to some yummy experiences
- You may agree that giving or receiving a massage with some baby oil can set the mood, especially if you are both naked
If you agree with any of the above, then subconsciously you are already open to the suggestion of using sex toys, or rather, you are comfortable with the notion of enhancing your sex life. Getting creative adds a new exciting dimension that invites us to explore the pleasures of sex and intimacy, exactly what sex toys are meant to do. It’s about giving and receiving.
Once you realise the mutually beneficial potential that “sex toys” and “mood setters” have to enhance your sex life, the next question is:
How do I introduce sex toys into my love life?
Step 1 – Communicate – Be subtle and respectful
Being able to openly discuss your sex life in terms of what you like is one of the biggest assets a couple can have in their relationship. Understandably, if you do not have such open communication this could be a difficult topic to tackle.
There is no right way to approach this subject, but here are some tips:
- Be respectful toward your partner at all times
- Respect extends beyond what you say, it also includes understanding that as individuals we all have different preferences and things that turn us on
- Be careful how you start your discussion. For example, don’t say: “Are you happy with our sex life?” or “Would you consider or be interested in us getting a sex toy?” It may sound like a loaded question and that you are possibly not satisfied.
- A good way to approach the topic is to subtly ask your partner’s opinion. If you come across a sex toy supplement in a magazine, see if there’s a couples toy review and then ask your partner what their thoughts are on the particular item.
- It’s important that you approach this subject when the time is right. Generally people are more honest and open to new ideas after an intense intimate experience or during a romantic evening when the overall tone is intimacy.
Step 2 – Start with the basics – Lingerie, Lubricants & Oils
Although these “mood setters” are strictly speaking not classified as sex toys, they are a great way to subtly introduce sex toys.
The whole idea of lingerie is two-fold. Lingerie can help a woman feel more confident as they are usually designed to accentuate your best assets. In turn, sexy lingerie laced with confidence is guaranteed to visually turn on your partner. The biggest benefit to wearing lingerie, other than inspired confidence, is the creativity & fantasy it sparks. Even if it’s not a French Maid outfit, lingerie has the ability to tease the imagination and to bring fantasy to reality.
Lubricants & Oils
Ask anyone that’s tried it before, few experiences come close to the silky feel of quality lubricant when used during foreplay or intercourse. If you both enjoy oral sex, why not surprise your partner with a flavoured lubricant? Just make sure that you use a water based lubricant when using condoms.
Eventually you can introduce massage candles. These candles have special wax that melts at low temperatures and once melted it can be used as massage oil. To make sure it’s not too warm, pour some of the melted wax into your hand. If the wax causes you to run out the room screaming for ice….then you probably grabbed the wrong candle out the cupboard…
Step 3 – Progress – Couples Toys
Once you are both comfortable to progress to the next level, you can start exploring couples toys.
Although not so subtle when it comes to the name, these toys are ideal to begin with. The idea of a “cock ring” is pretty straight forward. It fits around the base of the penis affecting the blood flow to provide a harder erection and to prolong climax for him. In turn, most rings are designed to stimulate her while making love. Vibrating rings are amongst the most popular.
To get the most out of a cock ring, you need to try different positions to find one that provides maximum stimulation.
Intimate Massagers & Masturbators
Intimate massagers focus primarily on clitoral stimulation and for guys there are a wide variety of masturbators available. These toys are a fantastic addition to foreplay by using it on each other. Tease your partner to the point where they can barely hold on, then let your lust take over.
There are some truly innovative products out there that are specifically designed to be enjoyed by couples. The Lelo Lyla is a remote-controlled bullet vibrator that allows your partner to control the vibrations by applying movement to the remote, even at a distance!
This toy can be a lot of fun and when you have fun, inhibitions begin to dissolve.
*At this point many men realise that the use of a vibrator helps her climax quicker than normal and in some cases it may even be the first time she has an orgasm, in which case it’s important not to feel insecure. Take a minute and understand that these toys have hours of research behind them and were designed for maximum stimulation. It’s unrealistic to expect you to stimulate her in the same way some toys can….let’s face it….you can’t vibrate at ridiculous speeds and you do not have all sorts of strategically placed knobs and protrusions coming out of your penis. It is of utter importance that you realise and appreciate the fact that you have just found another way to pleasure your partner and although she enjoyed it, she is more than likely more thrilled at the prospect that you were the one in control of this experience and that she shared it with you.
Step 4 – Evolve, Enjoy & Trust!
Eventually your sex life will evolve to a whole new level of intimacy and comfort. This exciting journey will only be successful if you trust each other and respect each other.
They key is to enjoy it and be creative! When your mind becomes sexually creative, it opens you up to try new things.
These days life has an ability to consume us and often when we have been in a relationship for a long time, we forget how pleasurable sex can actually be. Sex should always be fun and exciting! Trying new things will make sure you keep the passion going and it may just remind some of you how much you actually enjoy sex!